I Can't Believe I'm Doing This

Okay.

I cannot believe that I'm doing this. No no, it's nothing really big, well, to me it is, but for you, probably not so much. I've decided to get rid of some of my music. I was talking to a, um, friend last night and we were talking about music and such and how he only owns Christian music. I had thought about my music collection before and I realized that I don't have all that much Christian music. So last night was like a huge revelation for me. I thought about it all day and I came to the conclusion that some of it really has to go. This is especially hard for me because I LOVE my music and not necessarily the lyrics of everything, but certain songs I think are just magnificently done and I'm not sure I can do this and part with it.

I sorted through my music binder today and created four seperate categories:

1. Christian
2. In Between (stuff that cannot be classified under either, such as Creed, LotR soundtrack, etc.)
3. Non-Christian (3DD, Linkin Park, Pilate, Audioslave, etc.)
4. Bad (stuff that includes swearing pretty much)

I have 70 CDs in total, and here's how the categories break up:

1. Christian: 18 CDs
2. In Between: 10 CDs
3. Non-Christian: 31 CDs
4. Bad: 11 CDs

Right now I am focusing on those 11 CDs categorized as "bad". For the most part, I'm okay with parting with those except for a couple CDs which are just killing me because I REALLY do NOT want to get rid of them. Here's how that group breaks down even further:

1. Green Day - American Idiot
2. Matthew Good Band - Beautiful Midnight
3. A mixed burned CD with some bad stuff (such as Missy Elliot....ewww)
4. Another mixed burned one with various swearing songs
5. Breaking Benjamin - We Are Not Alone
6. A Perfect Circle - 13th Step
7. A Perfect Circle - Emotive
8. Pearl Jam - Ten
9. Incubus - Make Yourself
10. Alicia Keys - Songs in A Minor
11. Our Lady Peace - Clumsy

Now, the reason for this selection is simple. CDs that inlcude swearing in them in more than one song pretty much (for example, I am not including Audioslave because there is only one song on their first CD with swearing and I don't listen to that song anyways, so it's all good...in a sense). I'm alright with getting rid of all of them except for A Perfect Circle and Incubus. I don't know why, but those two have such a huge hold on me. I really like their music and I am really unsure if I can actually do this. I feel like God is calling me to, but I, in my weak human state, don't feel as if I can.

It's funny, 'cause I was talking to my parents about it and I came upstairs to do some Bible reading and I read Hebrews 4:13, which says, "...Everything is clear and lies open before him, and to him we must explain the way we have lived." That really struck me because last night I was trying so hard to justify the music I was listening to, but it just was not measuring up. And this verse made me realize that God knows all and if I can't justify it to my friend, then how can I justify it to God? I can't.

Another verse I read was Hebrews 4:15-16, "For our high priest (talking about Jesus) is able to understand our weaknesses. When he lived on earth, he was tempted in every way that we are, but he did not sin. Let us, then, feel very sure that we can come before God's throne where there is grace. There we can receive mercy and grace to help us when we need it." Oh boy, I sure need it! This was also a comfort to me and somewhat of a confirmation that this is something I need to do. So yes, this was just all a bit of an epiphany last night....so I thought I would share it. Pray that I don't go back on my decision and that I obey God!