To be or not to be.....it's a terrible question
I wrote earlier about what was up for me this summer and all, but I decided I would post this one seperately. I was talking to my friend on Monday night (no one knows him and he lives in Ottawa, so don't worry, you don't know him) and he's usually pretty depressed and doesn't really like his life all that much, because, from his side of things and what I hear, his parents aren't really the nicest people to live with. I can't say for sure if they are or aren't, I kind of have to go with what he says. But he was saying on Monday that he was having really bad thoughts of suicide and that he really just did not want to live anymore because of all the stuff he puts up with at home and in social settings and all that. Well, this kind of freaked me out because he had never actually talked about suicide before, even though he told me awhile ago that he had attempted to kill himself in grade 7. The thing is, I noticed that he seemed to be unusually unhappy these days when he was telling me how he liked to ride his bike around and do dangerous stuff because he didn't care if he got hurt because it numbed his emotional pain. I thought that he was just looking for attention and all that, so I gave it to him because I'd rather be safe then sorry. You know, I'd rather be generous and taken advantage of then not help someone when I could of if they were really in trouble because I just wasn't "sure".
So on Monday, he started saying how he had absolutely no reason to live and that he couldn't get back on track with God and he had nothing to give him any sense of hope or purpose in life. What do you say to something like that? I had such a hard time responding to him, but I just let him know that God hasn't abandoned him and that I'm still friends with him and all that.
I got to thinking, you know how people say that suicide is selfish and they're not thinking about the ones they're leaving behind? Well you know what, it may seem selfish to us and all, but think of they're position. Obviously something is very wrong in their life for contemplating or achieving death, and a person who is thinking about killing themselves, certainly doesn't feel they have any reason to live, so why would they care if they've left people behind? Some of them feel abandoned by their family anyways, and the physical pain they would feel is minimal compared to the emotional pain they endure day to day. My friend whom I was talking about is such a nice guy. I mean, he's very encouraging and always seems to put me above himself and goes above and beyond to try and help me sometimes, yet if he's a victim of suicide, he's automatically labelled selfish. That doesn't seem right to me. I think that just day after day of dealing with everything he tells me he deals with is enough to drain a person and wear them down to a point where they feel they don't have the strength to put up with it anymore.
And also, those who only attempt to commit suicide because of some deperate cry for help, should be given help. Many people who know someone who does that thinks that they're just being dramatic or something. I remember in high school my friend had attempted suicide and everyone just said that she wants attention and made fun of her and ignored the whole incident, and personally, I don't think that's beneficial at all. I think that they should be given attention and maybe if people would actually take the time to figure out what the problem is, a life could be saved, or turned around. The fact is, many people ignore the signs of suicide because they just don't want to become involved, or take time out of their day to help someone out, or stand out of the crowd and do something for someone out of pure generosity.
I think also we take for granted the people we have. When he told me that, I was a little shocked and felt very pressured because he said I'm the only reason he's living right now because I always try and help him, and he said that I'm the only one who's listens to his problems and actually cares. So for me, that was a little overwhelming since I had no clue what to do. The conversation ended kind of rough and he said he was going off to bed. So the next day, he never showed up on the computer, or talked to me whatsoever, and that freaked me right out. I realized then how much a person means to you when they're gone. It was completely out of character for him not to be on msn because he always was. He's one of those people you can fully count on. So when he never showed up, it was very unusual. The next day came and went and still no sign of him. I e-mailed him and everything and still no contact, so the obvious went through my mind and I think I prayed a million times in those couple days because I knew he would do it if he was serious about it. So finally after 3 days, he talked to me and said that he had been kicked out of his house because his mom rearranged everything in his room and he didn't like it or something, so she told him to leave. That's his side anyways.
But just during those 3 days, it made me realize that everyone in my life, is so important to me, and I don't know what I would do without them. I think we take those close to us for granted sometimes because they're always there. Rarely do we experience their absence, and only in their absence are we truly grateful for them. Maybe some of you are different, but for me, I find I appreciate a person the most when they aren't there. For instance, my dad is gone right now and only in these last couple weeks have I realized how much he does for me everyday, but if he had of been here, I wouldn't have known that or been as appreciative as I am now.
So on Monday, he started saying how he had absolutely no reason to live and that he couldn't get back on track with God and he had nothing to give him any sense of hope or purpose in life. What do you say to something like that? I had such a hard time responding to him, but I just let him know that God hasn't abandoned him and that I'm still friends with him and all that.
I got to thinking, you know how people say that suicide is selfish and they're not thinking about the ones they're leaving behind? Well you know what, it may seem selfish to us and all, but think of they're position. Obviously something is very wrong in their life for contemplating or achieving death, and a person who is thinking about killing themselves, certainly doesn't feel they have any reason to live, so why would they care if they've left people behind? Some of them feel abandoned by their family anyways, and the physical pain they would feel is minimal compared to the emotional pain they endure day to day. My friend whom I was talking about is such a nice guy. I mean, he's very encouraging and always seems to put me above himself and goes above and beyond to try and help me sometimes, yet if he's a victim of suicide, he's automatically labelled selfish. That doesn't seem right to me. I think that just day after day of dealing with everything he tells me he deals with is enough to drain a person and wear them down to a point where they feel they don't have the strength to put up with it anymore.
And also, those who only attempt to commit suicide because of some deperate cry for help, should be given help. Many people who know someone who does that thinks that they're just being dramatic or something. I remember in high school my friend had attempted suicide and everyone just said that she wants attention and made fun of her and ignored the whole incident, and personally, I don't think that's beneficial at all. I think that they should be given attention and maybe if people would actually take the time to figure out what the problem is, a life could be saved, or turned around. The fact is, many people ignore the signs of suicide because they just don't want to become involved, or take time out of their day to help someone out, or stand out of the crowd and do something for someone out of pure generosity.
I think also we take for granted the people we have. When he told me that, I was a little shocked and felt very pressured because he said I'm the only reason he's living right now because I always try and help him, and he said that I'm the only one who's listens to his problems and actually cares. So for me, that was a little overwhelming since I had no clue what to do. The conversation ended kind of rough and he said he was going off to bed. So the next day, he never showed up on the computer, or talked to me whatsoever, and that freaked me right out. I realized then how much a person means to you when they're gone. It was completely out of character for him not to be on msn because he always was. He's one of those people you can fully count on. So when he never showed up, it was very unusual. The next day came and went and still no sign of him. I e-mailed him and everything and still no contact, so the obvious went through my mind and I think I prayed a million times in those couple days because I knew he would do it if he was serious about it. So finally after 3 days, he talked to me and said that he had been kicked out of his house because his mom rearranged everything in his room and he didn't like it or something, so she told him to leave. That's his side anyways.
But just during those 3 days, it made me realize that everyone in my life, is so important to me, and I don't know what I would do without them. I think we take those close to us for granted sometimes because they're always there. Rarely do we experience their absence, and only in their absence are we truly grateful for them. Maybe some of you are different, but for me, I find I appreciate a person the most when they aren't there. For instance, my dad is gone right now and only in these last couple weeks have I realized how much he does for me everyday, but if he had of been here, I wouldn't have known that or been as appreciative as I am now.
1 Comments:
At 2:47 a.m.,
M.W.O.G. said…
I can definately relate to this blog in it's entirity. As a young teen I struggled with much deep depression, suicidal thoughts and near suicide attempts due to some very life-altering and shattering events. Although most no 1 knew what I was going through because I kept on a happy face, I felt no one could possibly understand. The problem is, that when consumed by darkness in your life, it's hard to see otherwise. One day when you're older and far apart from that time, you can reflect, as I have now, and appreciate those around you as well as the life God has given you. I was once an angry, bitter, and pain-filled person. Fortunately, as Christians we have a chance to look through a different kind of Life-lense that God gives us. In the mean-time, sometimes listening to the one screaming for help is the best thing that you can do, no matter how depressing it is for you to listen to.
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