That's a toughy

I'm sort of starting to get a little more involved at New Hope. The thing is, though, it'll just never be the same as Faith. Ah well. So far, the church closing down has been working out for me. Yesterday I went to Paul and Julie Noad's house (sort of young adult leaders). There weren't very many people there though (I think about 7 including Joel K. and I), but it was nice to see and hang out with people again from the 40 Days of Purpose. It was just a casual hangout that included cards, Sequence, and good ol' fooseball (sp?). The girls almost beat the guys 7-10, which was pretty impressive because I thought we wouldn't even get any points! Anyways, that was that night.

This morning I woke up and my dad was home. I had forgotten he took it off, and so we started talking about what I was going to do after University and stuff (oh the joys). You know what? It's a toughy. I don't understand how people can know exactly what they want to do with the rest of their life. Mine is so general. Poverty. Yup. That's it. I don't know what I should do about it, but I do know that that's an area of interest. See, the thing is, I want to help poor people in other countries because they truly are poor. It's a matter between life or death. Here, I'm a little less sympathetic towards poor people because they have a much better chance of survival than those of third world countries. Does this mean I think third world nations deserve to be helped over those here? Not at all. I just feel that's where my heart is. It's such a hard decision to make: what to do with the rest of your life. On one hand, I want to devote myself to helping those less fortunate than the rest of us; but then on the other hand, I would absolutely love to have a family of my own. I don't work in a daycare just for a pay cheque you know! I happen to adore children. So the big question is, right now, what would I rather do, or how can I do both?

Yes, I know, I am only finishing first year. But you know, this year flew by and I imagine the rest of them will as well. So time means nothing to me right now. Life is so strange in that way. I am more confused than ever. See, here's what I'm thinking. It's a little jumbled and messed up, but bear with me. If I were to become a mother (which I so desire to do so), that means I would have to take off a lot of time away from whatever it is I'll be doing. I do not want to be one of those mothers who shoves their kids in daycare or anything like that because it is not beneficial to the children. Of course I'll socialize them, but eight hours in a facility with someone else raising them does not sound appealing to me. Therefore, I would want to stay home until they start school. So that means I would be jumping back into the workforce behind because of those "lost" years. But another possiblity would be to just be a stay-at-home mom and maybe sponser a child, or contribute my time voluntarily, or part time. Man, so many decisions to make! My dad keeps telling me "you're only 19" (in a month) and therefore I have lots of time. But I'm one of those people that likes to get decisions and stuff out of the way as soon as possible, that is, if I HAVE to make a decision, because I'm really terrible at it!

So that's that. If any of you have any suggestions or whatever, that would be cool. Goodnight all.