Today was the hardest day of my life.

Everything I know, or have ever known, is dying. Gone. Ceases to exist. I don't want it to be this way. I don't want to leave. I like my church. Why does this have to happen? I don't understand. Well, I understand the reasons, but I don't understand why now? It's such a bad time. I guess, never would be the best time.

I don't like change. I don't adapt well to it. I don't want to meet new people. I like the people I already know. I've known them all for my life, practically. Everything's going to be different. Forever it's been my family in with the leadership and running things. I like that! I don't want to go to a new church and listening to new music and have to watch people I don't know lead everything. I like walking into a church and feeling like I'm home. Now I can't do that. I'm a guest and it sucks. I'm used to being able to do everthing and knowing the rules and being able to play hockey and have fun...not some place where you listen to some guy preach and then you all go your seperate ways. That's what it's going to be like. For the first while anyways.

I don't want to leave everyone. Sure I'll see them, but not like normal. It'll be more a planned function, rather than a spontaneous get together where we pick a house and go. I don't want new friends or meet new people. The only way I want to do that, is if we're adding on to the people I already know. Not being the "new person". That sucks.

It hurts and I want it to go away. I want things to be normal. Every Sunday from now 'til the end of June will be us trying to do everthing we've known for the last time. I hate it.

Where do we go from here?

God has plans and we must trust him, I know that. But I don't like it. I want his plans to be in our old church with everyone I know. But, things change in life and they always turn out, even though now it seems they won't. It'll be okay.

I love you guys. I always will.